What on earth am I doing?
This is a deeply personal blog – that I am sharing publicly. Why? And why NOW?? Read on.
Most of my life, I just wanted to be like everyone else. To be what I was “supposed to be”. To meet the expectations of those whose approval I so craved but felt I never lived up to – family, peer groups, social norms.
But try as I could, I never felt … good enough. I never lived up to what I though was my potential. I suffered from depression, low self esteem, loneliness – those grew into other behaviors that drew me further away from really connecting or belonging. I was always trying to be … someone I wasn’t.
As the one panel comic once illustrates in 50’s advertising style, with a mother telling her daughter … “oh honey, normal is just a setting on a dryer”.
Over the years, I have been through a lot of change. Not always the change I sought, not always the destinations I would have picked. Some would say I grew, matured; some would say I lost my way and strayed from “the Truth”. One thing is for sure … my life is very different now. And … a lot better. Not all easy, but … on the right path, finally.
So, in late 2019, I decided I wanted to start a blog. A place where I could share whatever lessons my life had to offer, and my adventures, and maybe some humor. Over the years, when I have written from my heart to family and friends, there have been times I know my words somehow touched them, and I guess my ego was nudging me to put whatever I had “out there”, perhaps in hope that the life education that came at a high price for me might have benefit to someone, somewhere.
I decided, since my last name starts with L, that I would call my blog … the new NormL. Not trying to be normal … but learning to be me. To somehow through my small little voice among the billions of words flying through consciousness, say something that might help others going through the same questions I was. The big questions. Dealing with change, reconsidering priorities, sharing discoveries.
Being somewhat of a perfectionist, one who never achieved anything close to it but still deludes themselves into the illusion of it’s possibility, I put starting off “The New NormL” for several months. Truth is, I wanted to present my blog with all the bells and whistles, learn all the keys, make a splash. Like we all do with dreams …. Wait for a better day, when you can do it right. Wait until it’s too late.
Then, in the last month for many of us, abruptly – our world changed. Maybe, as some say, “the universe” had a different plan. Maybe not. Bottom line … all that was before stories started to circulate about an illness in China. And you know the rest.
So most of us are holding our breath right now, spring 2020 … waiting. Waiting for answers. Wondering what life will look like on the “other side” of all this – will we return to normal? Well …. Were we ever there? Or did we accept what was, as what “should be”?? Whatever the truth is about the world before 2020 … I don’t think anyone can honestly say it is going to be the same, someday down the road.
So now … my blog is finally kicking off without me having learned how to use the software or graphics, without backgrounds and really without much of anything except my thoughts. This is a place where I am going to write about what I am learning in life, and what I think I learned – in hopes it might help some out there dealing with change. Maybe you. Maybe someone you love. It will be worth the effort, the honesty, the openness if what I paid a high price for can bring good to another life, in some little way. Change is possible but it doesn’t come easy, and it doesn’t happen alone – but with the love and support of others. If there was ever a time we cannot ignore the need for change, it is now.
So, here we go. I have no plan, just lots of ideas, thoughts … a place for me to share, and maybe for some of you to get something out of what I put out here. Whether you come along from the start or discover me down the way a bit, I hope you find your way to your best and truest self – because that’s what our new world needs. I’m working on it, just like you. Love always.